I come before you as a humbled man. I am a whore. Yes, I admit it. I am a complete and utter whore. Last night I rooted for a team other than my core teams (Who all seem to have made the conscious decision not to have a winning season/post season). And the reason I pimped out my cheers and jeers? Free beer. Yes, simply by pretending I was a Florida Gators fan, I was able to partake of an all you can drink smörgåsbord.
If you ever have the chance to partake of a college themed bar party, do it. I don't care if you're dying wife is giving birth to triplets named Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, and Brett Favre. This bar is worth it. For a measly 25 dollars at the door (which I actually managed to avoid with some daring Sam Fischer moves), and a declaration of your allegiance to the team in favor at this bar, yes you too get to drink all you want of any drink in the bar. And just when you thought it couldn't get any better, they automatically bring you a Jaeger bomb every time said team scores a touchdown.
So after my daring Sam Fischer (I'll keep making this Splinter Cell reference, because Sam Fischer is balls) move, I drank as much as my little heart wanted for free. Nowhere, in the entire world could something better come up for someone on my income ($0 for those keeping track). And I encourage every other unemployed man, woman, and child out there to pimp themselves out to the other schools. How much whoring am I willing to do? My next stop after writing this blog is to check out the major Pac 10, SEC, and ACC alumni association to see if they have any of these events posted for next weekend.
My heart always bleeds Orange, but sometimes that just because I've had so many free Blue Moons, that it has no other choice...
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Man vs. Wild
What's the greatest thing to come out of England besides America? No, not DPhils as some of my Oxford subscribers will say. The greatest human being to ever walk this Earth, Bear Grylls. He's come under a lot of criticism in the past few months, even a lawsuit from Discovery for saying he claimed he did everything on his show by himself. Well, guess what, he did according to the lovely legal world. So now he's back, and watching his show is an unemployed man's dream.
Let me describe my world to you. The majority of my day is spent right here, on the far right side of the couch (I prefer the right side to the left, if my arm gets tired using them mouse on the cushion part, viola! I have an arm rest to quell my mouse using pains). The majority of my day is spent here, perusing various job websites, checking my email, and pretending to respond to the many interview offers that I receive. So when a show like Man vs. Wild comes on, seemingly once every other hour, that will take me away to a exotic places in the world and show me how to eat bugs and find water in them so I won't die, it is a dream come true.
I think survival skills are the manliest, most unique skills in the world to know. And Bear Grylls knows more than most people could ever hope to know. Just seeing that someone still knows and can use these skills makes me want to be him. Yes he pees on his underwear and wears it as a hat to prevent over heating, but in some sick sadistic way, I want to do that. I want to eat the grub, make the bow out of a tree and shoot piranhas, and escape from quicksand. And I want to know how to do it in every environment that this plant has to offer.
But alas, the most I will ever know is how to survive the day in my apartment. Which is pretty easy when the hardest thing in the day is either writing a cover letter, or unclogging the bathroom sink.
Let me describe my world to you. The majority of my day is spent right here, on the far right side of the couch (I prefer the right side to the left, if my arm gets tired using them mouse on the cushion part, viola! I have an arm rest to quell my mouse using pains). The majority of my day is spent here, perusing various job websites, checking my email, and pretending to respond to the many interview offers that I receive. So when a show like Man vs. Wild comes on, seemingly once every other hour, that will take me away to a exotic places in the world and show me how to eat bugs and find water in them so I won't die, it is a dream come true.
I think survival skills are the manliest, most unique skills in the world to know. And Bear Grylls knows more than most people could ever hope to know. Just seeing that someone still knows and can use these skills makes me want to be him. Yes he pees on his underwear and wears it as a hat to prevent over heating, but in some sick sadistic way, I want to do that. I want to eat the grub, make the bow out of a tree and shoot piranhas, and escape from quicksand. And I want to know how to do it in every environment that this plant has to offer.
But alas, the most I will ever know is how to survive the day in my apartment. Which is pretty easy when the hardest thing in the day is either writing a cover letter, or unclogging the bathroom sink.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Red Sox Nation
I'll just come out and declare where my loyalties lye. I'm a Chargers and an Angels fan, with a slight appreciation for New York City teams. That being said, this post is induced from a couple articles I read, and also the “football game” that took place this last Sunday night. And with both Yankees and Red Sox fans reading this blog, there should be some fun reactions.
So maybe this should have been said earlier on in baseball season, and maybe I should move on to the emotional orgasm that is football season, but as of right now, nothing irritates me more than this “Red Sox Nation” crap. So you have fans in other cities, well I have news for you, so does every other franchise in sports (except for the Milwaukee Brewers, I’ll grant you that). Just because you won a championship, does not mean every person in this great country of ours wants to lick the franchises proverbial asshole.
“But Ben,” you may say, “its about how there are so MANY Red Sox fans that show up to other cities’ games.” Poppycock, I say. Every Angels vs. Yankees game I’ve gone to ALWAYS has more Yankees fans at them then Red Sox fans at Angels vs. Red Sox games. Enough of a difference that I can clearly see more. Should that make this a Yankees nation?
Maybe it’s the fact that you haven’t won it all since shortly after cars were invented, and you aren’t used to “fair weather fans,” but thinking the whole nation worships your shit? Come on, who are we, Scott Timpano? Yes, you had a winning team, and still do, one of the best in baseball right now, and a movie made after your team. But seriously, that movie was Fever Pitch, Angels in the Outfield is a classic.
But I digress. To sum up, everyone has fans in other cities, deal with it. No Red Sox nation, I’d move to France.
So maybe this should have been said earlier on in baseball season, and maybe I should move on to the emotional orgasm that is football season, but as of right now, nothing irritates me more than this “Red Sox Nation” crap. So you have fans in other cities, well I have news for you, so does every other franchise in sports (except for the Milwaukee Brewers, I’ll grant you that). Just because you won a championship, does not mean every person in this great country of ours wants to lick the franchises proverbial asshole.
“But Ben,” you may say, “its about how there are so MANY Red Sox fans that show up to other cities’ games.” Poppycock, I say. Every Angels vs. Yankees game I’ve gone to ALWAYS has more Yankees fans at them then Red Sox fans at Angels vs. Red Sox games. Enough of a difference that I can clearly see more. Should that make this a Yankees nation?
Maybe it’s the fact that you haven’t won it all since shortly after cars were invented, and you aren’t used to “fair weather fans,” but thinking the whole nation worships your shit? Come on, who are we, Scott Timpano? Yes, you had a winning team, and still do, one of the best in baseball right now, and a movie made after your team. But seriously, that movie was Fever Pitch, Angels in the Outfield is a classic.
But I digress. To sum up, everyone has fans in other cities, deal with it. No Red Sox nation, I’d move to France.
Welcome to The Unemployed Dream! This is my cliche post about what my blog will supposedly be about. I'm making this partly as a way to vent or write about my quest to live the dream in New York City. The catch? I'm unemployed, and in the city with one of the highest costs of living in the world, a steady income is a much needed thing. So hopefully I will have enough antics and anecdotes to fill a blog. I will also probably blog on various sports goings on, as I am an avid follower of professional sports, and I watch sports center about 3 times a day with all my spare time.
It will be a story filled with suspense, frustration, excitement, stream of conscience writing, and if it weren't for the automatic spell check, many, many spelling mistakes. So welcome to the world of unemployment.
It will be a story filled with suspense, frustration, excitement, stream of conscience writing, and if it weren't for the automatic spell check, many, many spelling mistakes. So welcome to the world of unemployment.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)